Is It Normal To Argue During Wedding Planning?

Is It Normal To Argue During Wedding Planning?

Ask your married friends what they argue about the most. Is it money? Is it who has taken on “more responsibilities” (whatever that means – for some couples this could mean “chores”, for others it might be “kids” or “career”, or some combination of the two.)

For my husband and I – it’s usually something stupid about the dishes. Washing the dishes, putting away the dishes, where to put away the dishes. Like, for example, why the little spoons shouldn’t be intermixed with the slightly bigger spoons and why the coffee mugs should go on the coffee mug shelf and not the –

You know what? Never mind. It’s not important.. We’re here to talk about wedding planning arguments – not my weird OCD concerning the coffee mug shelf.

Planning a wedding is stressful. And, yes, every engaged/married couple you know has probably argued at some point, maybe even regarding something to do with the wedding plans (probably).

Trying to have a “nice day” while still working within a confined budget can be stressful. Trying to do things how you want to while somebody’s mom keeps offering up her opinions on venue settings and dinner options and the seating arrangements and “You know, you two should really get married in a church. After all, you were baptized Methodist.”

Wait – when did our wedding become a melting pot of everyone else’s opinions? Wasn’t this wedding supposed to be a happy day in celebration of our love for one another? Why is it so stressful and frustrating and creating a series of conflicts over something as stupid as a “sand ceremony”?

Look – at the end of the day, regardless of how many people you invite, or how much it costs to feed them, or whether or not you have a freaking sand ceremony because your mother-in-law is reaaaaally pushing for that sand ceremony because she saw one at her niece’s wedding and thought it was “neat”– ignore all of that for a second, here are the things that really, really matter –

You love your partner, and your partner loves you.

That’s it.

Those are all the things. If you’re arguing about money because “everything is so expensive” – sit down and talk about your budget again. See if you can cut corners somewhere (maybe you can whittle down your guest list and get out of inviting that second cousin whom you’ve never met).

If you’re arguing about something that your mother-in-law wants to see in the wedding, but you don’t – sit down and talk about it with your partner. Explain why you don’t want it (is it a budget thing? Is she willing to pay for it?). If it’s something that you just don’t want – for no reason other than, you just don’t like it – that’s fine, it’s your wedding. But it’s your partner’s wedding too. Find out if it’s important to them. And if it is, let this be one of your first lessons in compromising.

If you’re arguing about your families – honestly, just sit down and talk about it. While there could be a million different reasons why you’re arguing about your families – maybe one of them doesn’t want to help pay for the wedding, or maybe you think your in-laws don’t like you, or it’s possible that one of the families seems to be monopolizing all of your time – these are all EXTREMELY common arguments among couples. But don’t forget that you’re getting married – and that means that you HAVE to figure out how to get along with the other person’s family. It’s just going to make your lives more difficult if you try to start a war with them and leave your poor fiancé in the middle of it to choose a side. Your new in-laws are not going to magically disappear after the wedding. Chances are, they’re going to be around for a long time. Might as well learn how to play nice with them now. It will serve better long term.

If you’re arguing because you just can’t see eye-to-eye on something – you have to talk about it. For us, it was the ring bearer’s outfit. I wanted him to wear a suit, and my husband thought a suit was too expensive. Eventually my sister-in-law found a suit at a reasonable price and it all worked out. But if she hadn’t, I’d already agreed that “as long as he wore dress clothes, it didn’t matter if it was a suit”. As long as he wasn’t walking down the aisle in a t-shirt. Find a way to meet in the middle on issues that you stubbornly don’t agree on. Remember – at the end of the day – you love each other, you get to be with each other, and that’s what really matters.


1 Comment

  • Kathleen May 16, 2020 at 6:12 pm

    Thanks for sharing! My boyfriend and I are planning to get married soon but haven’t really gotten into the details. I’ll keep note of your tips in case we ever argue about one of these issues. Hahaha!

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