Getting Married: Do We Really Have To Combine Our Finances?

February 26, 2020 in After "I Do", Married Life - No Comments

“So after we get married,” my husband asked me about two weeks before the wedding, “whose bank are we going to use?”

Whose bank are we going to use? Not only did Kyle and I have two separate checking accounts, we also had two separate banks. For now. Word on the street is that “married people” have this saying- “It’s not MY money, it’s OUR money.” 

Right. But, technically, it is still my money, right?

“Uh…” To say that I hadn’t thought about it would be a lie. Of course I’d thought about it. Every time I dropped $100 at Victoria’s Secret on yoga pants, or $75 on moisturizer at Sephora. Moisturizer. Do you know what my husband would say if he knew that I spent almost $80 on – what is basically – overpriced face lotion?

It’s the by the brand Drunk Elephant and the website says that it “delivers younger, revived-looking skin”. This is not a sponsored post for Drunk Elephant – but I believe them so much when they say that “lines, wrinkles and signs of sun damage will appear reduced” that I somehow manage to convince myself that “I’m not buying a moisturizer, I’m buying a magic cream!” (Yes, even with a college education and a background in marketing, I’m still desperate enough to believe that by spending $75 and putting this stuff on my face every night, I’m going to look twenty-five again. Who wouldn’t pay $75 to look twenty-five again? If you think about it, that’s cheaper than Botox!)

But try explaining that to my husband. Imagine the two of us sharing a bank account. Every time I’ve imagined it – I imagine us arguing and trying to tell the other person how they’re “allowed” to spend “our” money. “Seriously?” he’ll ask. “You spent HOW much at Express?” and “Didn’t you JUST buy new clothes a few months ago?”

Look. There are two schools of thought here – 1) as long as the bills are paid, we’re not in debt, and I have the extra money laying around, why not buy a new purse? and 2) as long as the bills are paid, we’re not in debt, and you have the extra money laying around – why not USE ONE OF THE TWELVE PURSES YOU ALREADY HAVE and put the money into savings?

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Everything You Thought About Getting Married (And Why It Isn’t True)

February 13, 2020 in After "I Do" - 1 Comment

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it does not argue about kitchen cabinet organization, or how to load the dishwasher “correctly”. It is not proud, it does not grumble about cleaning hair out of the shower drain or throwing out a full carton of expired Almond milk because someone declared that they were going to “start making smoothies for breakfast” and then forgot about it. (That someone was me – and to be fair, I did make one smoothie before I forgot that I wanted this to be “my new thing”, making a smoothie for breakfast every morning. Do you know how annoying it is to clean the blender? EVERY morning?)

Love is patient. It’s about being patient. The Bible verse – old “love is patient, love is kind” – doesn’t really dig into that, it just assumes that you will know how to be patient with someone you love, and that you won’t get all pissy just because they forgot to clean the lint trap out of the dryer. 

The lint trap is a hot button issue in our house. Really, the dryer in general is pretty controversial. I won’t get into the politics of “how often you should clean out the lint trap” or “how many towels you can stuff in there before you’re going to break the dryer”, because I know that not everyone agrees with me (and because I’VE never broken a dryer, so I really wouldn’t know the answer to that, now would I?)

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