Getting Married: Do We Really Have To Combine Our Finances?

February 26, 2020 in After "I Do", Married Life - No Comments

“So after we get married,” my husband asked me about two weeks before the wedding, “whose bank are we going to use?”

Whose bank are we going to use? Not only did Kyle and I have two separate checking accounts, we also had two separate banks. For now. Word on the street is that “married people” have this saying- “It’s not MY money, it’s OUR money.” 

Right. But, technically, it is still my money, right?

“Uh…” To say that I hadn’t thought about it would be a lie. Of course I’d thought about it. Every time I dropped $100 at Victoria’s Secret on yoga pants, or $75 on moisturizer at Sephora. Moisturizer. Do you know what my husband would say if he knew that I spent almost $80 on – what is basically – overpriced face lotion?

It’s the by the brand Drunk Elephant and the website says that it “delivers younger, revived-looking skin”. This is not a sponsored post for Drunk Elephant – but I believe them so much when they say that “lines, wrinkles and signs of sun damage will appear reduced” that I somehow manage to convince myself that “I’m not buying a moisturizer, I’m buying a magic cream!” (Yes, even with a college education and a background in marketing, I’m still desperate enough to believe that by spending $75 and putting this stuff on my face every night, I’m going to look twenty-five again. Who wouldn’t pay $75 to look twenty-five again? If you think about it, that’s cheaper than Botox!)

But try explaining that to my husband. Imagine the two of us sharing a bank account. Every time I’ve imagined it – I imagine us arguing and trying to tell the other person how they’re “allowed” to spend “our” money. “Seriously?” he’ll ask. “You spent HOW much at Express?” and “Didn’t you JUST buy new clothes a few months ago?”

Look. There are two schools of thought here – 1) as long as the bills are paid, we’re not in debt, and I have the extra money laying around, why not buy a new purse? and 2) as long as the bills are paid, we’re not in debt, and you have the extra money laying around – why not USE ONE OF THE TWELVE PURSES YOU ALREADY HAVE and put the money into savings?

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Eight resolutions to strengthen your relationship this year

January 14, 2020 in Married Life, Relationship Stuff

Let’s not pretend that I am someone who should be giving relationship advice. At least once a week my husband and I have the “where does this go?” argument in the kitchen. Kyle and I have different ideas about what “organization” means. For example, I’m a fan of the phrase “organized chaos” – Kyle, on the other hand, is not. Everything must have its own spot. And the spot must “make sense”.

You can see how this would cause problems. While I’m not a couples counselor, a marriage therapist, or a relationship wizard – I’m the first to tell someone that “every couple argues”, because that’s what I’ve read on the Internet, and to imagine a couple that doesn’t argue sounds a little bit creepy. You mean they agree on everything? EVERYTHING? All of the time? Even when it comes to loading the dishwasher?

We are not that couple – the couple who agrees on everything. I have my way of loading the dishwasher and Kyle has his (even though his way takes twice as long, and he thinks by doing it my – more efficient – way the dishes “aren’t getting as clean”). To each their own. The goal here is continue growing, and to grow together as a couple.

We just got married this past October, and – to be honest – I would be surprised if we aren’t still arguing about the dishes and the house and having the “where does this go?” conversation when we’re in our sixties, but if we can continue building and strengthening our relationship over the next thirty years – I think we’ll be in pretty good shape when it comes to “the big stuff” (because let’s be realistic here – there will always be ‘big stuff’, even if it’s not happening all of the time).

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