Here’s the thing about bridesmaids – I was always under the impression that they were friends. I don’t necessarily mean friends with each other – before Kyle and I got engaged, some of my girls had yet to meet one another because I’d cherry-picked them from different phases and “chapters” of my life – but I’d always assumed they were friends with the bride. That’s why the bride chose them to stand with her on her special day, because she wanted her friends up there with her. Her friends. FRIENDS.
I’m going hard on this ‘friends’ thing because – to my knowledge, unless something has changed with the biblical golden rule – friends are not assistants. A bridesmaid should not be treated as your employee. First of all, you’ve probably seen her throw up after too many shots of tequila (your first clue that you’re not hiring her, you’re asking her to hang out with you and wear a pre-approved matching dress on your big day) and second of all – a bridesmaid/bride relationship should be a fun, girlfriend-y bonding experience. A bride shouldn’t be barking orders at her bridesmaids, or demanding things of them, or asking them to spend thousands of dollars on an elaborate bachelorette weekend. Just because you’re becoming a bride and you’ve got this big rock on your finger, suddenly you think you’re Princess Shiba? Get a grip, Bride Lady. These are still the same girls who ate Taco Bell with you at 2AM in college. They know you’re not that fancy – yes, even though it’s your wedding and they’re all very excited and very happy for you, but they shouldn’t be expected to hang on your every whim. They have lives too.
This has been my PSA in service of bridesmaids, sparked by an article I found on Pinterest from a website called “womangettingmarried” dot com. Not women getting married, woman. Just one. Singular. (Odd choice for a name, but maybe the domain for womengettingmarried was already taken.) The article was called “12 Rules Every Bridesmaid Should Live By” – which already seems like so many. Right? Twelve rules for a bridesmaid? I think I had two rules for mine: “Don’t be late” and “Please drink champagne with me in the bridal suite”. Granted – I was very weird about “being too bossy”, because the last thing I wanted to be was that bride. The bossy “get me another mimosa” bride.
Although when my maid of honor asked me if I wanted another mimosa, and I said sure, and she made it for me… that’s totally not the same thing.